Rebecca Jessen

(TWENTY-FOUR) the chaos and the calm

you’re the kind of person who makes people lonely. you dream of five cats entering the house and watching you. you know it’s over when the cats have come. your mother’s psychic said this would happen. but you’ve only ever believed in magic. you wonder if you should tell someone about this feeling that won’t quit. 3am is for sobbing in your sleep and car alarms. every morning before consciousness you think. it’s all okay. and then you wake.

you’re the kind of person who makes people lonely. the receptionist says how can I help you sir. and you know you are invisible. you wish you were only invisible here. then it would be easier to move on. you make plans you don’t intend to keep. how can you tell them about this feeling that won’t quit.

you’re the kind of person who makes people lonely. when the cats come for you. you will be ready. you fantasise about how you will do it. you refuse violence and the implication of others. you’re so far from the sea here. in the morning a low moaning comes from underneath the house. you don’t need to check what it is.

you’re the kind of person who makes people lonely. you get desperate when you’re sad. desperation leads you to water. how long will they lock you up for this feeling. if it happens. they will never let you out. the most everyday outings were made magic with you. the streets are different now. and when you were lying under the sheet and couldn’t breathe. you thought this must be what it’s like. this must feel like dying.

you’re the kind of person who makes people lonely.

New Writing in The Lifted Brow #30

I’m really excited to have a new pice of non-fiction, ‘The Art Of Breaking’ in the latest (#30) issue of The Lifted Brow. Not only is it the Brow’s 30th issue, a great thing in itself, it’s also all-round, a pretty special issue. Have you seen the awesome wrap-around artwork? There is so much goodness to find in this issue, I set myself the task of reading a different piece every night before bed. Sometimes the strange and wonderful works entered my dreams.

I especially enjoyed the Advice Comics by Lizzie Nagy and Andy Connor, Madness and White by Anezka Sero, and Izzy Roberts-Orr’s poem Sometimes the Ocean Falls on You, Even When the Coastlines are Far Away.

The Lifted Brow do such an excellent job at welcoming and nurturing different and experimental pieces of writing, that may otherwise not find a home here. My piece ‘The Art Of Breaking’ is about a breakdown/breakup via Twitter and I’m really proud to have it published in the Brow. You can view a tiny excerpt of the piece here. You can also read short excerpts from all the of the pieces here. But really, the best thing to do is to buy an issue, or subscribe, and get it delivered straight to your door every quarter.


Happy reading!

New Poem in Tincture Journal Issue 13

The lovely folk at Tincture Journal have once again published a piece of my writing. My poem ‘field officer no. 302’ appears in Issue 13 alongside many other wonderful pieces of writing. If you haven’t read Tincture Journal yet then this is a great issue to start with. There is a diverse range of quality content from – you guessed it – a diverse range of quality contributors!

If you’re looking for a taste-test then start with this ‘Two poems and an interview’ with Alison Whittaker, 2015 winner of the black&write! fellowship. Alison’s debut poetry collection Lemons in The Chicken Wire is out now with Magabala Books.

I also enjoyed reading Megan McGrath’s new column: Making Noise, in which Megan talks about early-career literary jealousy (I know plenty of writers who can identify with this – myself included!) and how to harness it in a positive way. Megan was a fellow winner of the 2015 QLD Premier’s Young Publishers and Writers Award.

Some other highlights in this issue of Tincture include David Stavanger’s poem ‘Life Is(n’t)’, Maria Arena’s short story ‘The Obliteration Rooms’ and Kathy George’s memoir ‘Read To Me’.

If you would like to support a wonderful literary journal (who wouldn’t?) then do consider subscribing to Tincture, or at the very least, grab yourself a copy of the latest issue here. Many thanks to Poetry Editor Stuart Barnes and Editor Daniel Young for picking up my piece and continuing to support great writing talent.

In Summary: 2015 Publications

Looking back, 2015 was a good year for writing, publications wise. I got writing published in many journals I had been aiming to publish in, and a few others which were wonderful, unexpected surprises.

I’m hoping for more publications this year, while knowing that I should be channeling most of that energy into the writing of my next book. The writing life is often about balance, weighing up the importance of your short and long term goals, it can be hard to strike the right balance, as I found last year. While I avoided writing the ‘dreaded’ second novel, I put my energy into writing short pieces for publication, the rewards of which are often gained much quicker. These small gains throughout the year are necessary in many ways to keep fuelling the motivation to keep going on the longer projects. I hope this year I will find a better balance between the two.

Below you can find a summary of my 2015 publications and links to read/buy them.

February – The Family Files published by Verity La

March – Overcoming Second Novel Syndrome published in WQ Magazine

April – The Late September Dogs published in Mascara Literary Review Issue 17

April – Review of Omar Musa’s Here Come The Dogs published in Mascara Literary Review Issue 17

June – The Value of Prizes published in The Victorian Writer

October – What I Talk About When I Talk About Helicopters published in Cordite Issue 51.1: Umami

December – Our Version Of Events published by Meanjin

December – Firth Avenue published in Tincture Journal Issue 12

If you still haven’t had enough, be sure to look through the rest of my blog to find all the little bits of memoir here and there that I posted throughout the year. That’s all for now!

Happy Mondays

The lovely people at Arts Queensland recently asked me to do a guest-post for their blog series Happy Mondays. I talk about what I’m working on at the moment, one of my favourite books set in Australia and a cultural experience not to be missed. The post is now live and you can check it out here. Happy reading!

TWENTY (Just The Way It Is)

I received my family inheritance young. I remember this, I’m ten, it’s a quiet Sunday afternoon, around four or five. Mum pushes a few coins into my hands and asks me to walk across the road to the servo and buy some milk. I agree, I don’t recall if there’s something in it for me, fifty cents, maybe. I’m wearing my new favourite outfit, a pink ribbed singlet and a pair of pink shorts – this is hard to admit, even now. I leave the house with the coins jingling in my pocket, I reach the end of our street and I stand looking across the busy road at the servo. It might be a 7/11.

I know that it’s where I have to go. I know I have agreed to this task and I didn’t have to. But something in my mind makes my feet stop working. I look left, then right, then left again. I watch the people in the cars rushing by me without a care in the world. They aren’t stuck. They keep moving. Just go to the lights and cross, I tell myself. Don’t be stupid. But still, I stand there, not moving, just watching. I watch the cars enter the 7/11, I watch the people who get out of the cars and enter the store. Some of them leave with milk and bread, some leave with nothing.

I turn around and run home. When I get home I am breathless and empty handed.

‘Where’s the milk?’ Mum asks.

‘I didn’t get it,’ I say.


‘There was a man,’ I say. ‘He looked scary and I didn’t want to go over there.’

‘Okay,’ Mum says.

I’m relieved, she isn’t angry, she doesn’t demand I go back anyway, she just says okay and takes the money when I give it to her. I have school the next day so Mum tells me to have a bath.

Mum is talking to my dad on the phone when I get out of the bath and she passes the phone on to me. I tell him I’ve just had a bath.

‘Did you dry your hair properly?’ he asks. He always asks me this when he calls. And then he tells me I should get Mum to blow-dry my hair, but I never do.

I hand the phone back to Mum after a while, and when she hangs up I say, ‘Mum?’


‘There wasn’t really a man, I made that up. Sorry.’

Mum doesn’t even get angry then, angry that I’ve lied, that I’ve seemingly just refused to go and get the milk. She says it’s fine, she says it doesn’t matter.

When I got home empty handed I didn’t know how to tell her that there wasn’t really anyone scary lurking by. I didn’t know how to say that it’s just what happened in my head when I thought about crossing the road. So I didn’t. I couldn’t. Perhaps, this is where it starts, this obsessive anxiety I’ve inherited.

Winner of the 2015 QLD Premier’s Young Publishers And Writers Award

As many of you will now know, I am totally thrilled to announce that I am one of the winners of the 2015 QLD Premier’s Young Publishers and Writers Awards. The awards were announced at a ceremony at the State Library of QLD last Friday night. There was a wonderful, upbeat vibe at the awards this year, with the Queensland Premier and Minister for the Arts, Annastasia Palaszczuk in attendance, along with Leanne Enoch, Minister for Science and Innovation. The Premier kicked off the ceremony with a wonderful speech about the importance and value of arts in a society, and especially Queensland. I was lucky enough to meet the Premier before the ceremony for a photoshoot, and accept my award from her on stage during the ceremony which was a real thrill.

I would like to congratulate my fellow winner Megan McGrath, and shortlisted writers, Michelle Law, Sam George-Allen, and Andrew McMillen on their incredible achievements. It was a tough field, and an honour to be in such talented company.

During my speech I talked about the importance of receiving such support so early on in my career, and this award recognises the value of doing so. My career as a writer really started for me after winning the 2012 State Library of QLD Young Writers Award, for which I am very grateful. The 2015 winners of the SLQ Young Writers Award were also announced on the night, with Grace McCarter taking out the 18-25 category and Rosie McCrossin taking out the new 15-17 category. You can read both of the winning stories here, along with the runners up and highly commended stories.

I would like to give a big shoutout to the wonderful people at the AMP Foundation, whose AMP Tomorrow Maker grant last year, and continued support and promotion of my work has been a wonderful blessing. Without their continued support I wouldn’t be in the position I am now.

My thanks to the Queensland Literary Awards, and all those involved in keeping it going, the sponsors and patrons, judges and volunteers, the State Library of Queensland, State Librarian Janette Wright, my publisher University of Queensland Press, the O’Hara sisters, my family, friends and peers, and anyone who has ever read and supported my writing.

A special thank you again to my beautiful partner Nike Sulway, whose continued belief and support means the world to me. I said this on Friday night and I’ll say it again, you are my sounding board, you keep me calm, caffeinated and never without my daily fix of cute baby animals. I don’t know where I would be without you.

The official media release and list of winners can be found here. Please share the list with all your friends and contacts and buy the winning and shortlisted titles, readers are what keeps our writing alive.

New Poem in Cordite Poetry Review Issue 51.1 Umami

I’m really pleased to have my poem ‘What I Talk About When I Talk About Helicopters’ featured in the latest issue of Cordite Poetry Review: Issue 51.1 Umami, guest edited by Luke Davies. The issue is a collaboration between Cordite Poetry Review and The Lifted Brow – the latter will publish a response of sorts to this issue later this month.

I would recommend reading Luke’s editorial and then checking out the rest of this great issue. I’m still diving in and discovering new and wonderful words. One of my favourites so far is ‘Kacey’ by Andy Jackson. I only recently discovered Andy’s work at the Brisbane Writers Festival last month after hearing him read. There’s something so delicately beautiful about his poems that I can’t help but keep returning to them. Hearing Andy read was a special treat.

Check out the rest of the issue hereRemember to keep an eye out for the second instalment in The Lifted Brow later this month.

Queensland Literary Awards Shortlist

Last Friday the shortlists for the 2015 Queensland Literary Awards were announced and there are some exciting names among the mix. I’m thrilled to have been included on the shortlist for the Queensland Premier’s Young Publishers and Writers Award. Upon seeing the shortlist for the first time I felt a mix of honour and terror. Queensland has some amazing emerging (and established) writers and it’s an absolute honour to be included among some of them. The other shortlistees for the award are: Andrew McMillen, Megan McGrath, Michelle Law, and Sam George-Allen. You can find out more about each of these amazing writers here

I want to give a special shoutout to my writing friend Kathy George (also known as KW George) for her shortlisting for the Emerging Queensland Writer – Manuscript Award for her novel Sargasso. I’ve been lucky enough to have read Sargasso twice now. Both times I was completely haunted by and immersed in the world Kathy had created. The first time I read the manuscript I listened to this song a lot and whenever I hear it now I can’t help but think of Sargasso. This is Kathy’s website where she blogs about all things writing and reading, and it’s definitely worth a look.

Back in 2013 I won the Emerging Queensland Author Award for my verse-novel Gap so I know how exciting and consuming the experience of being shortlisted can be. I wish I had found some strategies to deal with that strange mix of excitement and anxiety – but I knew that things were going up from that point on and I tried to remind myself of that when I was becoming particularly obsessed with it all. The Emerging and Unaipon are both special awards and so important to continuing to discover and celebrate new Queensland writers and voices.

You can find all of the shortlists for this year’s Queensland Literary Awards here. The winners will be announced at a ceremony on October 9.

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